I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
