Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
