he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize