My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
