Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
