I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
