I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
