the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize