my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
