You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
