She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
