yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It's blow job season.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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