Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
