you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
