i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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