the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
worst night to have a conscience
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
