The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
