Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize