He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
