can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
