I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
