I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
