$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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