dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Still dying that you shit outside
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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