I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
