you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
