He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I skipped work to stalk him.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize