She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
