I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
