Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
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