When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
