omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
