Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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