i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
