I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
FUCK WHALES
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
