you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize