Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Randomize
