i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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