Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
a search helicopter?!
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
