I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Welp...herpes.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
