I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize