by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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