WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Every concussion has its silver lining
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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