3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize