Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
