Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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