I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
