i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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