I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
