My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
