today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I checked into jail on foursquare
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
