You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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