Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
