Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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