I think my fart just growled at me.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
