Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I deserve this hangover.
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