You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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