dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
