Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
