this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
