im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
