dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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