God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
