When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
