If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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