I wannas sexs uuuuu
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
