I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize