He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I could fuck to npr.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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