If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
