you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
