they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Randomize
