Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
