Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
nutella sex= disaster
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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