Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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