thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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