it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
