And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize