That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
A bitchslap is in order.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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