god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
