She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize