Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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