It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
