Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Boobs are out for the taking
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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