? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
