I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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