The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize