the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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