You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
