No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize