Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
