I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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