Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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