ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
