i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
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