I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
