her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
