id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
