So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize