I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
