I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
