You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
