Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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